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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520088">What I Feel Now About You Then</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Be_Easy/pseuds/Be_Easy'>Be_Easy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pitch Perfect (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:08:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Be_Easy/pseuds/Be_Easy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re hung up on Aubrey.” Beca rasped like it was the last missing piece to something she’d been trying to figure out for forever. </p><p>Chloe hated the way it sounded, the way it felt, the way it all stung like the truth.</p><p>It’s not the thing that breaks them, honestly, but Chloe knows if she looks back and traces one of the bigger cracks, it would lead back to that moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chloe Beale/Aubrey Posen, Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The E-vite sits in Chloe’s inbox for three weeks.</p><p>She’s looks at it every single day.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You are cordially invited to the Barden Bellas’ Alumni Reunion!</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The invite itself looks like the kind of flyers skeevy men on dark corners hand out in Las Vegas. It’s a collage of aggressively photoshopped pictures of the Bellas, threatening alcohol and nudity and something called a <em>cheeky root</em> which, after a quick google search of Australian slang, makes Chloe wonder exactly what kind of raunchy night this is going to be. (The fact that Fat Amy is the one organizing this whole thing is kind of a giveaway though.)</p><p>To be honest Chloe could totally use a night of nostalgic chaos with the Bellas (Especially after her breakup and her move back to Georgia and her current attempt to pull her entire life back together)</p><p>but…</p><p> She’s not going to go.                               </p><p>(She stares at the invitation in the darkness of her empty bedroom, laptop humming warmly against her thighs while she guides the cursor to the top of the email, clicks on the ‘To:’ button and watches a list of email addresses cascade down. She recognizes them all. Stacie, Cynthia Rose, Lilly. She stares hard at BMitchMusic@Gmail.com. She lets her cursor slide across APosen@FallenLeaves.com over and over before closing everything down with a pathetic groan.)</p><p>So, yeah, Chloe is definitely not going…</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                            ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Chloe gently breaks the news to Fat Amy.</p><p>“No, bitch, you’re going.”</p><p>It’s probably too gently, honestly.</p><p>“No, Amy, you don’t understand…” Chloe tries, wincing as Fat Amy slams a box marked fragile down on the kitchen countertop and Chloe’s sure at least most of her plates shatter if the noise is any indication.</p><p>(The new apartment is small and her bed is only slightly bigger than the one she had in college but everything here is <em>hers</em>. This apartment is <em>hers</em>…which is why she has no idea why she asked Amy of all people to help her unpack.)</p><p>“I get it. You made sweet lady love to a number of the Bellas and now you’re ashamed of your slutty past and cannot stand to show your face at the party.” Fat Amy offers helpfully and Chloe rolls her eyes and starts unpacking the glasses in the box in front of her on the kitchen table.</p><p>“I did not ‘make sweet lady love to a number of the Bellas.’ Just the one and you do realize that Beca and I dated for, like, years. Right?” Chloe points out and Fat Amy opens her box, pulling out half of a broken plate with a shrug.</p><p>“What about Aubrey?” Fat Amy asks, accusation in her voice and Chloe sighs. (Aubrey has always been Amy’s favorite.)</p><p>“Okay, one and, like, a half or whatever.” Chloe mumbles, fishing another glass out of her own box.</p><p>“More like one and three quarters.” Fat Amy mutters and Chloe rolls her eyes. “Besides, you can get your panties out of a twist because Beca already said she wouldn’t be able to make it.” Fat Amy says and Chloe’s hands pause halfway out of the box, clutching a glass so tight it feels like it’s seconds away from breaking. “She’s going to be in Texas doing her DJ thing.”</p><p>“Oh.” Chloe huffs and she feels relieved, anticipation suddenly curling up like a snake in her belly. “And Aubrey?”</p><p>“She will only go if we move it from that motel off the highway to a ‘respectable’ venue <em>and</em> cancel the male prostitutes.” Fat Amy says with air quotes like she’s searching for comradery in her disbelief of Aubrey’s stipulations, but Chloe is way too preoccupied with the idea of spending a night around Aubrey after not seeing her in so long. After everything that happened. (After everything she’s done)</p><p>“And you’re going to do it, right?” Chloe asks and Fat Amy sighs.</p><p>“I am but only because she’s still scary when she wants to be.” Fat Amy says and that makes Chloe smile a bit.</p><p>“How is she doing?” Chloe asks tentatively, blinking down into her box and something in her tone of voice must give her away because Fat Amy looks over at her knowingly.</p><p>“You should come and find out for yourself.” Fat Amy suggests before glancing around the empty kitchen. “You’ve been back for weeks. How’re you still not unpacked?”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                       ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Chloe remembers the tears in Aubrey’s eyes. (Bright like diamonds)</p><p>She remembers her expression (Confused and scared and <em>hurt</em> and Chloe did all of that)</p><p>Chloe remembers her own words. (“I failed Russian Lit.” and “I’m not leaving.” and “I want to be with Beca.”)</p><p>And the thing she didn’t say but was somehow louder than everything else (“I don’t want you”)</p><p>She remembers feeling so unsure even as she laid everything out between her and Aubrey like she knew exactly what she was doing.</p><p>In the end, she didn’t go to the graduation at all because shame was heavy on her back. Because she didn’t think she could watch from the audience as Aubrey walked across the stage alone. Instead she spent it closed up in Beca’s room, watching movies in the dark while Beca whispered about how much she hated them and blinking back tears she didn’t know how to explain.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                    ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Chloe wouldn’t say she’s hung up on Aubrey.</p><p>But Beca would.</p><p>Beca does.</p><p>She says it before their relationship is too broken in too many places.</p><p>She says it three days after Worlds, when they’re back at Barden planning and planning and planning their future and Chloe can’t stop thinking about Aubrey with her Bella scarf tied as snug as ever around her throat (the nostalgia is dizzying).</p><p>When she can’t even get out of bed because it was the first time Aubrey had been in front of her in years and everything between them was foreign and far away.</p><p>(Chloe doesn’t even know what she expected.</p><p>More, maybe.)</p><p>Chloe wanted Aubrey’s welcome at the lodge to be because of her. But that was so stupid because of course it was entirely for the Bellas.  Aubrey has always loved the Bellas more than anyone else. Sometimes more than they loved her.  Most of the time, more than they deserved.</p><p>She wanted the warm squeeze of Aubrey’s hand at the campfire to mean something other than the gentle encouragement for her to move on so the Bellas could too.</p><p>She wanted all those things to be for <em>her</em> but, when she’d cornered Aubrey after their performance at Worlds, bright eyed and pink cheeked, the only thing for her was a tight, plastic smile and a polite, “Anything for the Bellas.”</p><p>Aubrey had slipped away then, without even a glance back and Chloe had been <em>devastated</em>)</p><p>The thing is that she didn’t want to tell Beca about her unrequited <em>everything</em> with Aubrey. Not because she was ashamed but because it was private and special and <em>theirs</em>. It seemed obvious telling her current long-term girlfriend about the one that got away (the one that she pushed away. The one she was too impatient to wait for.) was a bad move. But she did, soft and guilty and sad in the middle of the night, tucked side by side in bed and hidden in the darkness.</p><p>“You’re hung up on Aubrey.” Beca rasped like it was the last missing piece to something she’d been trying to figure out for forever.</p><p>Chloe hated the way it sounded, the way it felt, the way it all stung like the truth.</p><p>It’s not the thing that breaks them, honestly, but Chloe knows if she looks back and traces one of the bigger cracks, it would lead back to that moment.</p><p>Chloe wouldn’t say she’s hung up on Aubrey.</p><p>(Only because it doesn’t seem like enough)</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>                                                                                                                    ///</p><p> Chloe arrives 30 minutes early but it takes a few pep talks to actually make herself get out of the car and one more to get herself up to the door of the banquet hall.</p><p>She feels nervous.</p><p>Not the fun, giddy kind of nervous. Instead, her hands are sweaty, and she feels jittery, like she’s had way too much coffee and now there’s nowhere for her energy to go.</p><p>Music is audible through the glass door Chloe finds herself standing in front of, smoothing her hands over the front of her dress, rethinking her outfit and her hair and her shoes and generally about 10 seconds from chickening out entirely. But she takes a deep, slow breath and remembers that she’d promised herself she wouldn’t be afraid to move forward anymore.</p><p>Pretty literally in this case but still…</p><p>The door is lighter than it looks, easier to open (The story of her life, honestly.)</p><p>The music swells and engulfs her in the welcoming way it always has, and Chloe is nearly overwhelmed by the colorful lights and the <em>glitter</em>. It looks like Amy really went for the whole drag queen high school reunion vibe and Chloe is kind of in love with it.</p><p>She crosses the threshold unnoticed, gazing across the room silently and mentally preparing to plunge herself into the familiar crowd while the tight, itchy energy recedes into something better and easier at the sight of so many people she cares about.</p><p>And then…</p><p>And then the song changes, bodies shift, and the room parts to reveal Aubrey Posen. (Like a scene straight out of Chloe’s favorite kind of movies)</p><p>Chloe remembers the first time she saw Aubrey.</p><p>Not the first time they met. (Which was magical in an entirely different way.)</p><p>No, the first time Chloe really <em>saw</em> Aubrey it was weeks and weeks into their first semester.                          </p><p>It wasn’t anything special, honestly. Just a late-night study session that seemed to go on forever with Chloe taking a moment’s reprieve to pull her head out of her book only for her eyes to find Aubrey across their tiny living room where she was cross-legged on the floor, paper spread out on the coffee table in front of her and a pencil the only thing holding her messy bun in place while she read.</p><p>Thinking back (and Chloe thinks about this moment all the time) Chloe’s not sure if it was the way Aubrey’s eyes were warm and worn-out and bright green when she met Chloe’s gaze or the tired smile she’d given her when she found Chloe staring or the pen marks on the tips of her fingers. Probably a little bit of everything all together but that was the first time she’d seen perfect Aubrey Posen, imperfect and it did <em>something</em> to her.</p><p>That feeling (overwhelming and smothering and desperate to know more and more and <em>all</em> of this girl) is exactly what she’s feeling now while she meets Aubrey’s gaze through the crowd of Bellas gathered excitedly in the room.</p><p>And, God, Chloe cannot believe it’s been years since she’s seen Aubrey Posen in real life.</p><p>Like, okay, Chloe has seen her, obviously because social media is a thing.</p><p>They’re not friends on any of the platforms anymore and Chloe doesn’t even really know when Aubrey made sure that happened. But only some of Aubrey’s social media is private and Chloe is not above creeping.</p><p>In fact, her internet stalking skills have gotten to impressive and/or concerning levels over the last few years and of course she’s kept totally-normal-and-not-at-all-crazy tabs on Aubrey.</p><p>She’s spent time scrolling backwards through Aubrey’s professionally curated Facebook page, staring at pretty, glossy photos of her in her collared shirts.</p><p> Chloe’s clicked back weeks and weeks and weeks into Aubrey’s Instagram over and over and over to gaze at Aubrey’s smiling selfies, pictures of her ridiculously beautiful Labrador, tastefully lit photos of fancy meals and inspirational text photoshopped over nature shots.</p><p> But Chloe learned where to find the good stuff. To find the Aubrey that she used to be privy to because they were roommates, because they were best friends, because they were teetering on the edge of something impossible. (Something that had only seemed impossible at the time)</p><p>Chloe is well aware how lucky she is that Aubrey’s younger brother, Andrew, moved in with her sometime last year. (He and Chloe have been following one another since they met on Family Day at Barden freshman year and one day Aubrey just appears on his Facebook page, tagged in what is obviously an ambush selfie with a grinning Andrew)</p><p>His Snapchat is a treasure trove of seconds long bursts of everything <em>Aubrey</em>. (Aubrey brushing her teeth and giving him a foamy smile and a middle finger in the mirror. The two of them hurling clean laundry at one another and Aubrey’s bright, bright laughter.) His Instagram is scattered with her too. (A picture of the two of them the day he moved in, both of them with messy blond hair, sweaty skin and giant smiles. A video of Aubrey still obviously in her work clothes but with more buttons undone than normal and her hair loose and everywhere while she sits cross-legged on the floor plucking out Paul McCartney on a ukulele of all things while she sings so sweetly, “Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you.” She plays the wrong chord, stops with a wide grin and dissolves into laughter when from behind the camera Andrew says “Oh my god, you suck.”)</p><p>Chloe wants to push her way through everyone and go to her but she stays rooted to the ground, clutching her purse tightly. So much time has passed and so much space is between them, maybe too much to ever recover from and Chloe swallows hard and wonders for the hundredth time if coming to this was a mistake. But then she blinks and the decision has been made for her because Aubrey is standing in front of her with a crooked smile and soft eyes. (Crossing that vast space between them like it was nothing at all).</p><p>They haven’t spoken in forever but suddenly Chloe has so much she wants to say. It’s all sitting heavily on the back of her tongue and the words all taste like soft apologies.</p><p>“Hi.” Is what Chloe manages and Aubrey steps closer still, tilts her head and looks like something straight out of Chloe’s dreams.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                            ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>It happened slowly and then all at once.</p><p>As cliché as that sounds.</p><p>Aubrey went from being Chloe’s uptight roommate to her neurotic best friend to this <em>girl</em> with real life green eyes and the sweetest heart that Chloe had ever known.</p><p>Chloe’s spent her whole life falling in love with things and people and places easily (Chloe’s father will say it’s because Chloe sees the beauty in everything) but with Aubrey it felt different.</p><p>The descent was faster.</p><p>The pull was stronger.</p><p>Then, before Chloe knew it, it was halfway through junior year and she was in love.</p><p>Chloe didn’t try to hide it, didn’t even know if she was capable of pretending she wasn’t head over heels for Aubrey. But she kept everything to herself because her friendship with Aubrey was important to her, was something she hadn’t wanted to jeopardize because Chloe knew herself. She knew that even though everything felt different, she was prone to falling out of love with things and people as quickly as she fell into love with them. She knew that Aubrey cherished their bond (“I’ve never had a friend like you, Chloe.)</p><p>Until, on a night like any other, while she and Aubrey walked arm and arm across campus, Aubrey glanced sheepishly at Chloe and murmured, “Chlo, sometimes I wish you were a guy.”</p><p>Later that night Chloe kissed Aubrey in the quiet of their apartment kitchen with the tile cool under their feet and whispered “We can just be ourselves, Aubrey.” Against her mouth.</p><p>(Chloe would learn later that this is easier said than done.)</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                             ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Amy said you were coming but I wasn’t sure…” Aubrey says, trailing off into a pretty smile. Her blond hair is longer than Chloe’s ever seen it, a little darker too. The way she holds herself is different, a bit languid and loose but still Aubrey. Aubrey all dressed up like a movie star in a shiny, short dress with charcoal smudged eyes. (Like somewhere along the lines all the tense strings keeping her upright were cut and now she was free to move the way she was always meant to) “I know it’s a long flight from Los Angeles.”</p><p>“She wouldn’t tell me if you would be here either. I asked. I asked a lot but-“Chloe huffs out a laugh, realizing she’s babbling and staring. “I’m so glad I came.”</p><p>“I’m glad you came too.” Aubrey murmurs, her expression shifting into something that Chloe can’t name but gives Chloe butterflies nonetheless.</p><p>“I’m not in LA anymore.” Chloe says thoughtlessly and Aubrey frowns. “I moved back to Atlanta last month. I moved back.”</p><p>Aubrey exhales suddenly, soft and amused and full of warmth. “Well, welcome home.”</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                     ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The night is just the kind of nostalgic debauchery that Chloe had hoped for.</p><p>Strong drinks and pounding music, Karaoke and her favorite people ever surrounding her. (It’s home. This is home.)</p><p>“Come dance with me.” Aubrey says from behind her, tracing a hand down Chloe’s wrist to take her hand with fingers still cold from her last drink. Chloe lets herself be tugged away from the conversation she’d been having Jessica and Ashley, turns into Aubrey so they’re face to face suddenly.</p><p>It’s exactly the kind of night Chloe had hoped for.</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                    ///</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The cloudy morning slides from grey to cotton candy pink and blue with the rise of the sun. Chloe watches the night slip away entirely through the windshield of her car while Aubrey sits in the reclined seat beside her and it feels like the end of a fairytale.</p><p>Not a good one though.</p><p>More like the kind where the prince and princess don’t get together or the shoe doesn’t fit and everything turns to pumpkins at midnight.</p><p>They’ll have to part ways soon and Chloe is already dreading it because it could be another 4 years before she sees Aubrey again. It could be even more. (This could be it.)</p><p>Music seeps from the cars speakers, the volume low and tucked beneath the even ebb and flow of their breathing and the whisper of air as it flutters through the cracked windows. Chloe ran out of meaningless words long minutes ago and Aubrey seems content in the silence (Aubrey’s always ever been as calm as her surroundings).</p><p>She turns her head against the headrest, gazing at Aubrey, all dolled up and relaxed in the passenger seat of Chloe’s little two door car like she has no better place to be than parked outside of the trashed hall with alcohol fading from their systems while they wait for morning. (She’s looking at Aubrey and feels everything that has never gone away, twisted up around her bones where no one can see but Chloe can feel)</p><p>“So, how is it? Life after Barden? Life without me?” Chloe asks quietly, boldly and Aubrey turns her head to meet her gaze head on. Her eyeliner is a little messy around her green eyes now, giving away the long night the same way the upward tick of her mouth does and Chloe swallows thickly.</p><p>It’s not a fair question, Chloe knows, and maybe that makes her a jerk or something but she’s asking it. Chloe looks away first, gazing out at the mostly empty parking lot.</p><p>She can feel Aubrey’s eyes on her but can’t bring herself to look back, thumb tracing the edge of the steering wheel slowly like her heart isn’t racing high in her chest. With the sun rising in the cold sky, she can imagine the way Aubrey’s gaze is tender, but it feels like she’s walking the ledge of something frail and slight and if she meets Aubrey’s stare then she’ll just tip over and fall.</p><p>“You were my anchor, Chlo.” Aubrey starts and Chloe breathes in slowly when her heart skips a handful of beats, the fingers of her left hand all curling around the steering wheel and squeezing as hard as she can. “You kept me grounded. Then…after everything… after I graduated…leaving forced me to find other ways to anchor myself. Healthy ways that included a lot of therapy and life coaching…little pink pills…and then more therapy…”</p><p>“I worried about you when you left.” Chloe says softly.  “But you’re strong. You’re doing good, I can tell.”</p><p>“I’m doing better.” Aubrey huffs out with a soft laugh and that sound, gentle and warm, is what finally drags Chloe’s eyes to her face (Chloe doesn’t fall). Aubrey smiles at her sincerely, looking more relaxed than Chloe has ever seen her. “I did miss you, though.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Chloe asks shyly and Aubrey nods, still grinning.</p><p>“Chloe, you were my most favorite person.” Aubrey admits with a self-deprecating eye roll, “My best friend.”</p><p>There’s more to this conversation. Floating between them like a big, nebulous, elephant in the car. (Aubrey doesn’t ask Chloe why, if she was so worried about her, didn’t she reach out and check on her. Why she didn’t call or write or <em>anything. </em>But Chloe asks herself over and over and over in the span of a moment)</p><p>“I’m still your friend.” Chloe says earnestly because she hates the way everything sounds in past tense, hates the way everything feels in past tense and Aubrey’s expression sobers slightly. “I mean, I still think of you as mine.”</p><p>“Chloe,” Aubrey starts, the easy grin fading from her face entirely while she watches Chloe thoughtfully. “Why did you stay at Barden? I mean, of course I know that Beca was still there but there were options. Doing the long-distance thing or going to grad school close to home...”</p><p>“Well, as it turns out, for as often as I use to tell you that you pushed too hard-“Chloe starts with a deep blush because when she thinks of what she did, of failing classes and putting literally everything on hold for Beca, she’s ashamed and embarrassed.</p><p>“I did. I do.” Aubrey interrupts, “I’m still working on that.”</p><p>“Aubrey, I didn’t know how to move forward without you behind me.” Chloe admits and Aubrey looks surprised and sad and a million other things that all flutter across her features for Chloe to see. “I’m figuring it out now…a little later than I’d like but you know…you always believed in me, always told me I could be more and I’m sorry for never thanking you for that. For taking you for granted.”</p><p>“Chloe, I still believe in you. That’s never changed.” Aubrey murmurs with the sun glowing in her blond hair like a halo, like something way to pure for Chloe. “Did you know that I had this plan for us all put together in my head? After graduation, we would go to some big city together, become established and wealthy and spend the rest of our lives there, together. It was silly, really. You were…something…with Beca and I had to wait for my dad to die before I could even accept myself. What I felt for you.”</p><p>There’s a lot to unpack in all of the things Aubrey just said but Chloe focuses on the most important.</p><p>“Your dad died?” Chloe asks softly in surprise and Aubrey swallows thickly, nodding slowly.</p><p>“He had a heart attack and never left the hospital.” Aubrey says very carefully, the words fragile and thin (But Aubrey offers them anyway) and Chloe feels a deep pang of sadness for her loss.</p><p>(“I don’t understand why you can’t tell him.” Chloe had shouted, the words scorching their way up her throat and past her lips and Aubrey had looked more helpless than Chloe had ever seen her. “My dad will hate me, Chloe.”)</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Chloe whispers and Aubrey nods again.</p><p>“Me too.” She sighs, looking away from Chloe, out the window. The door to the hall creaks open suddenly and they both watch as Cynthia-Rose stumbles out into the morning, shielding her eyes from the rising sun and staggering to her car.</p><p>“It doesn’t sound silly, ya know. Your plan.” Chloe says after a moment and Aubrey almost smiles. Chloe can’t look anywhere else but her. “But I knew we’d be complicated together and you know me, always taking the easy way out.”</p><p>“I was a mess back then, Chlo.” Aubrey chuckles, reaching up to toss her hair over her shoulder, tilting her head to the side and Chloe wonders if Aubrey knows how swoon worthy she is when she does that. “I wasn’t ready for you. My grip was too tight for someone like you.”</p><p>“And now?” Chloe asks before she can control the words and Aubrey lifts a shoulder absently.</p><p>“And now…I’ve gotten better of taking care of the things I care about.” Aubrey murmurs and Chloe swallows back what feels like thousands of butterflies trying to escape through her mouth.</p><p>“You’re different now.” Chloe blurts and Aubrey smirks, meeting Chloe’s gaze for a long, lingering moment before turning back out the window at the sound of a car starting. Cynthia-Rose’s car lurches forward, right over the cement parking block and then its winding through the empty lot towards the street.</p><p>“My last words to my dad weren’t…good. We argued on his death bed.” Aubrey murmurs and Chloe watches her take a long, steadying breath. “And after he passed I was <em>so angry</em>. At him, at myself, at everything. It was the worst I’ve ever been. And then, during a fight with my mom she said, ‘You’re just like your father’.”</p><p>“Aubrey.” Chloe exhales sadly and Aubrey looks at her with a miserable smile.</p><p>“Chloe…he was a monster.” Aubrey states firmly. “And I’m not going to let myself be like that.”</p><p>Chloe doesn’t know what to say that so instead she stares at Aubrey’s profile until Aubrey turns to look at her and then she just shuts her eyes.</p><p>“I should probably get going.” Aubrey says and Chloe keeps her eyes closed against the sudden burn of tears.</p><p>“Okay.” She manages, listening to Aubrey rummage around. Probably sliding her heels back on and fixing her hair where it may have gone flat in the back from the seat. She opens her eyes and is surprised to find Aubrey watching her, watching a tear escape from her right eye and race down her cheek.</p><p>“I really missed you, Chlo.” Aubrey says slowly, like it was sandwiched between other words that Chloe somehow missed and then she’s leaning forward, pressing her lips to the wet trail on Chloe’s cheek before shifting upwards and pressing a kiss to Chloe’s forehead. A sudden, hot rush of emotion loosens Chloe’s stiff limbs, makes her lean into the contact so they’re meeting in the middle. Aubrey shifts once more, burying her face in Chloe’s hair and breathing deeply while goosebumps race up Chloe’s arms.</p><p>“Bree.” She murmurs hoarsely and when Aubrey eases back, her eyes are wet even as she opens the door, bursting the soap bubble of intimacy around them.</p><p>“I’m glad your home.” Aubrey whispers with one last vulnerable smile and then she’s closing the door and walking across the parking lot towards her shiny car without a backwards glance.</p><p>Chloe watches Aubrey reverse out of her parking spot, has to take her keys out of the ignition to make sure she doesn’t chase after her and feels simultaneously empty and full to the brim.</p><p>Her cellphone vibrates suddenly from its place on the dashboard and Chloe laughs, teary and borderline hysterical, at the notification.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Aubrey Posen Has Sent You A Friend Request</strong>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Don't be shy, leave a review!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chloe tries to be honest with herself when it comes to all of this.</p><p>Like, yes, she’s always been in love with Aubrey Posen.</p><p>But she doesn’t know <em>this</em> Aubrey (Far removed from Barden and the Bellas and Chloe.)</p><p>And Chloe has just gotten out of a relationship that she thought would be her last. (Did she really?)</p><p>So, Chloe’s focusing on just getting to know Aubrey again. On being friends again.</p><p>That’s what she tells herself. It’s what she <em>has</em> to tell herself.</p><p>(Again and Again)</p><p> </p><p>                                                                                <strong>///</strong></p><p>
  
</p><p>It’s almost scary, the ways they fit back together.</p><p>The seamless, effortless way they slip back into each other’s lives. (under each other’s skin.)</p><p> How easily they go from not speaking to being in nearly constant contact.  (Chloe doesn’t like to think that it could’ve always been this way if it wasn’t for them getting in their own way) They have brunch in hidden away cafes on Sunday mornings and eat Chinese for dinner in the busiest part of town on Friday nights and have drawn out, comfortable phone conversations on the days in between where they talk about nothing important and Chloe gets to listen to the way Aubrey breathes between words.</p><p>Tonight, Chloe’s phone chimes happily from where it’s wedged between the pages of her pharmacology book on the couch beside her and she tiredly fishes it out, flipping the equine anatomy text on her lap closed and smiling down at her phone.</p><p>It’s well after midnight but with Chloe’s resolution to achieve her personal goals comes the acceptance of sometimes sacrificing a few hours of sleep to make sure she knows the information for her classes backwards and forwards. (It’s better than the things she sacrificed before). It also means middle of the night exchanges with Aubrey that always <em>always</em> feel impossibly sincere.</p><p>Aubrey’s name floats on Chloe’s phone screen and when she opens the message there is a picture. It’s of Aubrey’s stove top and there is the most perfect grilled cheese sandwich Chloe’s ever seen cooking in a pan. There’s also the most perfect dog in the world in the bottom right corner, Aubrey’s Labrador, Penelope, peering upwards with dark eyes and Aubrey’s hand is petting the side of her head. Chloe can also see Aubrey’s white tee shirt and black sweats and bare feet with chipped purple polish on her toes. It’s soft and maybe unintentionally intimate and it makes Chloe’s heart flutter up into her throat a little.</p><p>One thing Chloe has noticed is <em>this</em> Aubrey is more open. Without the weight of her father’s approval her defenses are softer, and she is more honest with the fragile parts of herself. She offers them to Chloe more readily than ever before. (And God knows how hungrily Chloe accepts them.)</p><p>Chloe is in the process of typing back a message containing as many heart eyes emojis as she can fit when Aubrey sends her another message.</p><p>Are you awake?</p><p>Chloe doesn’t bother writing back, choosing instead to FaceTime her and Aubrey answers on the first ring just the way she always has.</p><p>“I want to marry your dog.” Chloe says in greeting, leaning back on her couch and smiling at Aubrey who is looking a little rumpled, like maybe she’d been asleep before but woken up recently. “She’s so pretty. Do you think she’ll have me as her human wife?”</p><p>“Maybe. I mean, you are going to be a vet. “Aubrey says with a laugh, the soft noise of dishes clinking musically trailing through the line as she moves around the kitchen before momentarily pausing to murmur something in the gentle honeyed voice that Chloe’s only ever heard her use with the dog. Chloe watches the camera bounce around before Aubrey props the phone up in front of her. “She might be in the market for a sugar daddy.”</p><p>Chloe laughs at that, rubbing her eyes and watching Aubrey take a bite of sandwich. “I liked your picture.”</p><p>Chloe doesn’t say why. She’s not even sure she would be able to put to words why but she just does. (It probably has everything to do with being allowed inside of Aubrey’s soap bubble of privacy.)</p><p>“Hmm, Pen’s very photogenic.” Aubrey says, glancing off screen at Penelope “Either that or you have a weird thing for sandwiches and/or feet.”</p><p>(Chloe doesn’t bother mentioning she has a weird thing for Aubrey)</p><p>“How’d you know?” Chloe chuckles, standing with a groan. She stretches a little and leaves her books on the couch before heading to her bedroom with Aubrey. She’s tired and has to be up for school in just a few hours.</p><p>“Oh, you haven’t changed so much, Chloe Beale.” Aubrey sighs and Chloe smiles a little, entering her bedroom and heading straight to her bed. She peels back the blankets before shuffling between them and propping her phone up on her pillow, so she can still see Aubrey eating quietly at her breakfast bar.</p><p>“But I’ve changed?” Chloe asks, settling onto her side and closing her eyes.</p><p>“Yeah.” Aubrey says, “You’ve changed.”</p><p>“Hopefully, for the better.” Chloe murmurs, curled around her phone with her eyes closed and the bedroom light still on.</p><p>Aubrey is quiet for a long moment and when Chloe opens her eyes again, Aubrey is watching her with an expression that is hard to decipher on the phone screen. “When we were younger, it was like you were always going a million miles an hour. But now, it feels like you’ve settled a little bit. Like you’re more focused. Like, maybe I can keep up with you now or we’re finally going the same speed or something.”</p><p>Chloe doesn’t know what to say to that but she knows it makes her feel warm. It makes her wish that Aubrey was a lot closer than she is now. She watches Aubrey take another bite as she hums quietly to herself and her eyes shift away from the screen while Chloe stares.</p><p>“Do you still sing?” Chloe asks and Aubrey’s green eyes swing back to Chloe, lifting her hand into view of the camera to push her hair out of her face.</p><p>“Not in the same capacity.” Aubrey says and Chloe buries half of her face against her pillow.</p><p>“What does that even mean?” Chloe asks then gets to watch Aubrey blush, the red in her cheeks visible on her phone screen.</p><p>“It’s more of a therapeutic thing now.” Aubrey mutters, giving Chloe an awkward smile that is a million levels of charming. “The vomiting uncontrollably wasn’t sustainable. Or healthy. It, like, ruined my teeth.”</p><p>“Still on stage though?” Chloe asks thoughtfully and Aubrey nods, flushing a little more. (That makes Chloe kind of happy because Chloe knows Aubrey is never more radiant than when she’s performing on stage)</p><p>“Andrew and I sometimes play at an open mic night in the city.” Aubrey admits and there’s so much more Chloe wants to know but she doesn’t push, doesn’t force her way underneath Aubrey’s skin like she used to. She has questions but she kind of likes the slow, careful ways that Aubrey is revealing herself without Chloe’s prying and Chloe doesn’t want to mess up.</p><p>“Will you hold it against me if I pass out on you?” Chloe asks tiredly, rubbing her eyes and Aubrey shakes her head before propping her elbow on the countertop and leaning her cheek against her fist. It’s ridiculously cute and Chloe huffs out a laugh at the way just <em>looking</em> at Aubrey makes her feel.</p><p>“I can let you go.” Aubrey says after a moment but it doesn’t sound like that’s what she wants at all.</p><p>“No. Lets keep talking and then you can stare at me creepily when I fall asleep.” Chloe suggests and Aubrey laughs.</p><p>(When Chloe wakes just an hour or two later, her phone is still on with the seconds ticking endlessly away at the edge of the screen and Chloe wonders for a disorienting moment if she’s dreaming Aubrey’s tranquil sleeping face on the other end of their Facetime call. The minutes roll over, Aubrey shifts in her sleep and Chloe realizes she’s not.)</p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                <strong>///</strong></p><p> </p><p>The hot, electric sting in her chest while she sucks down ice cold air is like a memory. It burns just like 5am runs on the pristine sidewalks that wound around the Barden campus with Aubrey urging her to keep going.</p><p>“How?!” Chloe gasps into the cold air, bending at the waist and grabbing her own knees while she tries to catch her breath. The park is nearly empty this early in the morning so there’s hardly anyone around to watch her gasp pathetically. “How am I in worse shape than your dog?”</p><p>“She’s prettier than you too.” Aubrey laughs, stretching her arms over her head as Chloe slowly collapses to the soft, green grass.</p><p>“That is mean and true.” Chloe huffs, flinging herself onto her back and watching as Aubrey gracefully kneels down beside Penelope, carding her fingers through her fur behind her ears and cooing softly. Chloe smiles a little because Penelope is Aubrey’s baby and it’s so freaking cute. “When did you get her?”</p><p>“2 years ago. She was a gift from an ex.” Aubrey says with a grunt as Penelope decides to put her front paws on Aubrey’s shoulders and Chloe laughs at the sweeping wag of her tail that makes her butt wiggle.</p><p>“I bet that guy didn’t know he was giving you the love of your life.” Chloe chuckles watching Aubrey dodge licks to the face.</p><p>“She.” Aubrey corrects, looking into Penelope’s smiling face before glancing at Chloe.</p><p>“She?” Chloe huffs, sitting up now that it’s easier to breathe.</p><p>“She. My ex is a woman.” Aubrey confirms, unclipping the leash from Penelope’s collar. The dog barks happily before taking off across the dog park. “I date women …exclusively now.”</p><p>“Uhhh.” Chloe’s brain literally short circuits because somehow, through all of this, it never occurred to Chloe that Aubrey had had relationships with women.</p><p>“Don’t make this weird.” Aubrey laughs, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head. For a moment she looks entirely larger than life as Chloe peers up at her but then she laughs, shakes her head and easily bends down into a squat so she and Chloe are face to face. “Because you look like you’re going to be weird.”</p><p>“I’m not. I’m just having an existential crisis, is all.” Chloe mutters, “So, you’re saying you’re gay…Like, <em>gay</em> gay.  Not…”</p><p>“Not just <em>Chloe Beale</em> gay?” Aubrey finishes for her with a laugh and Chloe rolls her eyes.</p><p> “All I’m hearing is that I wasn’t your pixie manic dream girl.” Chloe huffs and Aubrey smiles.</p><p>“More like the girl that finally triggered my full fledge gay panic?” Aubrey offers and Chloe snorts, watching Aubrey stand again, unfolding herself gracefully.</p><p>“Is that a compliment? Because I’ll take it” Chloe laughs. “My ego needs it right about now.”</p><p> “Chloe, this may be hard to hear but I was attracted to women long before I met you.” Aubrey laughs and Chloe frowns, reaching up to take Aubrey’s hands when she offers them and lets herself be dragged to her feet with a pathetic groan.</p><p>“Well, you’re right. That was hard to hear.” Chloe points out and Aubrey rolls her eyes, slides her fingers between Chloe’s and leads her towards a nearby park bench. Chloe doesn’t comment on the fact that they’re holding hands, but she stares at their interlocked fingers while her heart pounds a little in her chest in a way that’s totally unrelated to the miles she just ran. “So you’re saying that my radiance didn’t make you immediately want to get familiar with lady parts?”</p><p>“Nope. That honor goes to Jennifer Aldridge. She was my babysitter.” Aubrey sighs. “She played polo and smoked cigarettes and had the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>“Is that so?” Chloe asks, batting her own eyes and Aubrey smirks, shaking her head.</p><p>“Maybe second prettiest.” Aubrey amends and Chloe laughs.</p><p>“Hmm, that sounds better.” Chloe says, flexing her hand when Aubrey releases her fingers to brush her hair out of her face. “At least let me have something.”</p><p>“Chloe, you were… something else entirely.” Aubrey continues, glancing at Chloe with a blush in her cheeks and sweat glistening on her shoulders. “It was terrifying.”</p><p>“Why?” Chloe asks softly and Aubrey huffs out a laugh, looking back out over the park where Penelope is playing with another dog.</p><p>“Because.” Aubrey says and for a moment Chloe thinks that’s all the explanation she’ll get but Aubrey takes a soft, shallow breath before continuing. “Because I was attracted to you and if that had been it, I would’ve been okay. I’d spent my entire life ignoring, then hiding those feelings. Making exceptions. First, it was okay to think about, then look, then touch but never okay to have something real…and then I met you and making exceptions wasn’t enough. Suddenly I was just so in love with you, wanting a future with you and that was incredibly scary back then. It was so much more than I was capable of.”</p><p>“…Bree.” Chloe croaks and Aubrey sighs, throat working as she swallows hard.</p><p>“I was bisexual at best, gay at worst and I didn’t know how I was going to tell my family. My father. That I had met and fallen in love with the most beautiful girl ever.” Aubrey says with a humorless laugh that makes Chloe reach for her, taking her hand where it rests on her knee. “And then Beca came along and I just…I couldn’t give you what you needed. I wasn’t who you needed me to be back then.”</p><p>“You were always who I needed you to be, Aubrey.” Chloe says, lacing their fingers together again and Aubrey’s eyes drift down to the contact. “And you weren’t the only one who was terrified.”</p><p>“Chloe, you don’t have to…” Aubrey starts, watching Chloe’s thumb sweep across the back of her hand.</p><p>“Aubrey, I took the easy way out. I wish I had been stronger for us because I left you like a coward, let you go through so many things all alone. I called myself your best friend, I knew I loved you and I treated you badly because I was afraid of it being difficult.” Chloe whispers and just saying the words dredges up painful guilt and regret that sticks to the insides of Chloe’s mouth like poison. “You were always too good for me, Bree.”</p><p>“We’re, like, awful.” Aubrey murmurs with a wet laugh and Chloe is in agreement, releases a laugh that sounds too much like a sob and Aubrey gazes at her.</p><p>“Will you forgive me?” Chloe asks and Aubrey licks her lips, smiles just a little. “Please.”</p><p>“Only if you forgive me.” She says and Chloe laughs, swallowing back tears.</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>                                                                                                ///</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me about her.” Chloe says and Aubrey looks up from instructions laid out in front of her.</p><p>She’s dressed in a white tee shirt and blue jeans and wielding a hammer like she knows what to do with it. Chloe doesn’t want to say she’s swooning over Soft Butch Aubrey but she’s kinda happy that being incapable of building a bookshelf has worked out in her favor. There are pieces of wood and screws in neatly sorted piles on the floor and Aubrey is kneeling at the coffee table attempting to decipher the directions which appear to be in Mandarin and Chloe is simply trying to manage the feeling of having Aubrey so casually in her apartment. It’s way more exciting than it should be. “Your ex that brought Penelope into your life.”</p><p>“Why?” Aubrey challenges with a laugh, looking up at Chloe sitting cross-legged on the couch with a book open in her lap and a highlighter in her hand. And Chloe had every intention of studying while Aubrey worked both because Aubrey had deemed her useless when it came to any sort of handiwork and she had a sneaking suspicion that there was going to be a pop quiz on the next day of classes. But so far she’s accomplished absolutely nothing because Aubrey and her ass in denim are endlessly distracting.</p><p>“Why not? I mean, it’s only fair. You know all about my ex.” Chloe says and Aubrey laughs, sitting back on her heels and shaking her head. She gazes at Chloe for a long moment, like she’s trying to decipher something before shaking her head again.</p><p>“Fine. Her name was Iris and we met when I first got to Fallen Leaves. She worked for a finance company that was spending an entire week at the camp.” Aubrey starts with an easy shrug, eyes going gentle at the memory. “We would talk during the exercises and then one afternoon she asked me to meet her at her cabin at the end of the day…And I did. God, she was so beautiful and smart and <em>experienced</em>.”</p><p>“That sounds like the beginnings of a very dirty movie.” Chloe comments quietly and Aubrey blushes lightly, pink and high in her cheeks.</p><p>“She was the first woman I ever really went out in public with, I ever held hands with on the street, I ever kissed in a grocery store.” Aubrey murmurs thoughtfully and Chloe has to swallow down the hot, desperate emotion that surges upwards in her chest when Chloe thinks about how she could’ve given Aubrey those soft, sweet experiences, “She taught me a lot and a lot about myself.”</p><p>“Why didn’t it work out?” Chloe asks and tries to sound entirely friendly to mask that way it’s difficult to breathe listening to Aubrey describe another woman that way.</p><p>Aubrey huffs out a laugh, reaching up to smooth a hand over her messy bun, “She wanted me to move to New York, to move in with her…I don’t know, she just wanted <em>more</em> and I-I wasn’t ready. I really love my job and I didn’t want to move too far away from my mom so soon after my dad’s death and I just…I just wasn’t ready.”</p><p>“Was it messy? At the end?” Chloe wonders (because things with Beca had been so so messy. Everywhere and all wrong) but Aubrey shakes her head, inhaling deeply.</p><p>“No. We still talk and follow each other on Instagram. Sometimes I send her photos of Penelope.” Aubrey sighs, offering Chloe a reassuring smile. “She’s engaged in New York now, so…”</p><p>“Any regrets?” Chloe asks and Aubrey’s expression sobers for a moment.</p><p>“With Iris? No.” Aubrey says, her voice going soft with honesty. “No, somehow most of my regrets kind of revolve around me and you.”</p><p>“Aubrey.” Chloe breathes caught off guard by her words and Aubrey’s lips turn up in a half smile before she unfolds herself to stand, snagging the bookshelf instructions.</p><p>“Okay, lets get started.” She says waving the directions a little, like she didn’t just offer up a tender, hidden away part of herself to Chloe. “I think I finally figured this out.”</p><p>Later, when Aubrey leaves and there’s a solidly constructed bookcase looming in her living room, Chloe snoops through Aubrey’s Instagram and easily finds Iris. She’s tall with beautiful brown skin and deep deep eyes and Chloe spends a long time staring at her smiling pictures and imagining her with Aubrey.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please read and review</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stupidly, Chloe thought it could be easy.</p>
<p>She and Aubrey would reconnect and all of the things that needed to be said would sort itself out and all the painful things would just fall away.</p>
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  <strong>///</strong>
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<p>It only takes a drunken night to prove Chloe wrong.</p>
<p>"You don't understand." Aubrey sighs and Chloe pushes away her own drink, wishing they were both a lot more sober for this conversation.</p>
<p>It’s Fat Amy’s birthday and when Chloe imagined this night it definitely did not include this. This alcohol fueled eruption of emotion in this dingy karaoke bar. (She should’ve probably seen it coming, though.)</p>
<p>Things had been going too smoothly, too easily and God knows things between the two of them have never been exactly easy. So, Chloe should’ve known all it would take was a tequila stained night in a trashy club to expose the wounds that are still wide open.</p>
<p>Somehow a drunken conversation about the good old days unraveled and disintegrated into all the things they haven’t said. Their conversation dissolved until there was untold truths and overtold lies and Chloe and Aubrey and fucking <em>Beca </em>between them like always.<br/><br/>"Bree, I know…I know that I hurt you..." Chloe apologizes, hating how clumsy her tongue feels in her mouth and Aubrey licks her lips, let's her gaze dip down to the table between them.</p>
<p>Chloe should’ve known that this discussion was on the horizon, this violent painful rehashing of the past was something they needed to do but the super remorseful, heartfelt words that have been inside of Chloe for years don’t feel like nearly enough. And maybe Chloe would’ve been more prepared but blissful ignorance was just so comfortable.</p>
<p>Aubrey is telling Chloe how much she hurt. Describing to her exactly where and how much and for how long. (Chloe’s words won’t be enough to soothe all of that pain.)</p>
<p><br/>"It's not...its not that you decided to be with Beca. I mean, it's not just that. It's the way you just...dropped me. We were supposed to be friends. No matter what happened, you promised me would be friends. And we weren’t." Aubrey murmurs with a self-deprecating laugh and when she lifts her head her eyes are shining with tears. Chloe's insides feel cold and awful at the memory, of how shitty of a person she managed to be to someone who she'd known even then she was in love with. "I've spent my entire life trying to be everything that everyone else wanted me to be but with you I could just be myself, even as...even as ugly as that could be sometimes. I didn't have to hide anything. I showed you all of me and you still <em>liked</em> me. I know I'm not someone everyone knows how to love but, I don't know, it felt like you did."<br/><br/>"Bree," Chloe starts thickly, swallowing painfully against the emotion clawing up her throat. The club is packed and dark and it’s like the two of them are being swallowed up entirely, together, in this tiny booth. Chloe wants to explain, to crawl on her knees and beg for forgiveness but Aubrey is speaking like she’s been holding on to these words for a lifetime.</p>
<p><br/>"It was a reality check. There was this bubble around me at Barden, with you, and I thought...God,, I don't even know what I thought. But outside of that bubble was real life and real life means people should've treated you better or cared more but they didn't and they don't and life doesn't stop for any of that." Aubrey says, and the ice in her glass is soft and musical when she lifts her drink to her mouth and finishes it off with a wince. <br/><br/>"I don't know what to say." Chloe croaks, eyes burning with scalding hot tears and Aubrey gazes at her with wet eyes that make Chloe feel liked she's pinned in place. “I don’t know how to make this better.”<br/><br/>"I've cried over you so much, Chloe." Aubrey chokes out softly, shaking her head and turning away as though she could hide the tears from Chloe now. "You didn't treat me well, in the end. And I should hate you. I'm allowed to hate you."</p>
<p>“You are.” Chloe croaks out, a sob cracking her words right down the middle and Aubrey wipes discreetly at her eyes. “You are but I…I really don’t want you to. I don’t want you to hate me.”</p>
<p>Andrew and Fat Amy appear at the table then, breaking the awful darkness surrounding them, their bright laughter dying as they take in Aubrey and Chloe.</p>
<p>“Hey? What’s going on?” Andrew asks defensively even as he glances between the two of them and Aubrey just shakes her head. “Aubrey?”</p>
<p>“Can we leave? Please?” Aubrey asks, standing unsteadily and Andrew nods, slipping into protective brother mode and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the exit without a backwards glance.</p>
<p>“So…something happened, I assume.” Fat Amy says carefully, sitting down beside Chloe in the booth and Chloe shakes her head, wiping at her eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m a fucking terrible person.” Chloe manages to choke out, watching Aubrey and Andrew disappear in the crowded club. Her face crumples and she presses a hand to her eyes against the sting of tears “She hates me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Red.” Fat Amy sighs, sliding into the booth beside Chloe and patting her shoulder gently. “You are so, so stupid.”</p>
<p>“You’re really bad at comforting people.” Chloe hiccups and she feels Fat Amy shrug.</p>
<p>“This is going to sound controversial, but I think that went well.” Amy says and Chloe swallows thickly, shaking her head. “Sometimes you just have to clear the air. Talk about the gaping holes you’ve left in each other, you know what I mean? You guys have been attached at the vaginas since you came back. She definitely doesn’t hate you.”</p>
<p>“I just want to go home.” Chloe says darkly.</p>
<p>She decides to wait outside while, inside, Amy distributes her phone number to the guys she deemed worthy of her company. The fresh air makes it a little easier to breath, helps with the burn of tears and the numbness of alcohol but she still feels really, really bad.</p>
<p>So bad that when she lifts her head and catches sight of Aubrey standing on the other side of the street, all alone, she almost hides. Almost. But Chloe watches Aubrey wipe at her eyes with the back of her hand and then she’s moving before she can think about it.</p>
<p>“I thought you left.” Chloe blurts, stepping closer where Aubrey’s standing in the glow of the streetlamp, the light reflecting in her hair like a halo. Her shoulders are slumped and drawn inward, and she looks fucking miserable. Chloe thinks about the things Aubrey said tonight, thinks about the words with all their barbs and the tears in Aubrey’s eyes and moves even closer.</p>
<p>“Andrew forgot his jacket.” Aubrey answers quietly, hands fisted in the pockets of her own leather jacket while she stares hard at the ground. “Idiot.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Chloe breathes, crossing her arms over her chest nervously. Aubrey doesn’t look at her, doesn’t say anything and Chloe stands awkwardly. “I know you probably want me to go away but I don’t feel comfortable leaving you here alone on a street corner or walking down a dark street by myself without mace or something.”</p>
<p>“I don’t.” Aubrey says suddenly, finally looking at Chloe and Chloe is helpless to do anything but step closer.</p>
<p>“You don’t what?” Chloe whispers and Aubrey shakes her head, looking away for a long moment.</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to go away.” She clarifies, and Chloe carefully swallows down her surprise. Aubrey glances back at her, the green of her eyes indecipherable against her blown pupils.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to walk away from you again.” Chloe admits and Aubrey nods stiffly. “I don’t want you to walk away either.”</p>
<p>“I regretted it as soon as I did it.” Aubrey huffs and Chloe licks her lips nervously. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Bree.” Chloe tries but Aubrey shakes her head.</p>
<p>“No. It’s not.” Aubrey bites out, “I’ve been running from you since college and I promised myself that I would just…stop for god’s sake.”</p>
<p>“Aubrey.” Chloe croaks because she has no idea how to respond to that kind of honesty and Aubrey reaches up to sweep her finger under her eye, like the action will hide the wet shine of tears.</p>
<p>“I am pissed at you and I am so, so happy that you’re back.” Aubrey breathes and Chloe’s vision blurs with tears suddenly, too fast for her to hide it, breath catching in her chest. She blinks and tears are rolling down her cheeks. “My therapist has been encouraging me to express my feelings instead of-of bottling  them up. It’s just…I have a lot of them about you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I want it to be a good thing.” Chloe admits shakily and then Aubrey is stepping forward, closing the short distance between them with a half a step forward. Chloe has enough time to draw i0n a breath before Aubrey, with her hands still jammed in her pockets, leans in and kisses Chloe softly. Chloe makes a needy sound that she doesn’t think has ever left her body before right now and Aubrey eases back enough to lick her lips, pulling her right hand from her pocket to reach up and cup Chloe’s cheek, and kiss her again.</p>
<p>She pulls back and Chloe watches her breathlessly, pressing her lips together. Aubrey’s expression is unreadable, eyes darting all over Chloe’s face and Chloe wonders if Aubrey can tell that her heart is absolutely racing, beating out against the cage of her ribs like it needs to escape and get to her. There is tension radiating from Aubrey, straight into Chloe then back again and it feels like they’ll either implode or go super nova</p>
<p>“Kiss me.” Aubrey pleads, voice cracking, “Chloe, kiss me back.”</p>
<p>Chloe doesn’t hesitate, curling her fingers in the soft leather of her jacket and pulling her as close as she can.</p>
<p>                                                                                                      <strong>///</strong></p>
<p>Andrew Posen is the youngest of all four Posen children. He’s two years younger than Aubrey but it’s sometimes hard to tell because of the way he takes care of Aubrey. Not in any kind of cloying, childish way because Aubrey is fierce and autonomous and doesn’t need her little brother holding her hand.</p>
<p>Except for the times when she needs her little brother to hold her hand.</p>
<p>Andrew takes care of Aubrey in the quiet way that most people would never guess that Aubrey needs to be cared for. (Chloe swears that, once upon a time, she knew this quiet way too.)</p>
<p>Which is why Chloe is not all that surprised when he opens the front door to Aubrey’s condo looking as disheveled as Chloe feels but unyielding in the open doorway.  (He had been the one to find them last night, kissing under the streetlight. Chloe had chased the warmth of Aubrey’s mouth when she pulled away at Andrew’s call of her name and Chloe can’t seem to shake the way the Aubrey made  her feel, can’t seem to stop thinking about how difficult it was to release the collar of her jacket.)</p>
<p>“Good morning. You’re looking lovely.” He groans out, rubbing a hand over his face and offering Chloe a half smile.</p>
<p>“You look like you got ran over by a garbage truck and then picked up and thrown into that garbage truck.” Chloe croaks and Andrew laughs, scratching his messy hair. He leans into the doorway, bodily blocking the entrance.</p>
<p>“Did you come all the way over here at the ass crack of dawn to exchange compliments?” Andrew wonders with a smile. And it’s a soft, warm smile but Chloe can’t help but note the way he has firmly rooted himself between her and where Aubrey is.</p>
<p> “It’s noon.” Chloe points out and Andrew frowns, glancing down at his watch.</p>
<p>“Holy shit.” He mutters, “I am so late for work.”</p>
<p>Is Aubrey up?” Chloe asks tentatively and Andrew sighs, rubbing a hand through his hair again and looking at Chloe warily.</p>
<p>“I think she’s puking in the shower.” He finally says and just hearing the work ‘puke’ makes bile burn at the back of Chloe’s throat. She swallows thickly, pulling in a long breath and drawing her fingers into fists.</p>
<p>Chloe had woken up face down on Amy’s couch with a Post It stuck to her forehead with the words ‘ATTENTION-You and Aubrey open mouth kissed last night!!!!!!’ scrawled in her own handwriting. And after an impromptu and intimate meeting with Fat Amy’s toilet, Chloe had managed to pull herself together enough to leave Amy’s apartment and make her way to Aubrey’s house because they needed to talk and it absolutely could not wait. Not even for the hangover to end all hangovers because waiting has never really worked out for them.</p>
<p>“Can I come in? I need to talk to her.” Chloe asks and Andrew’s expression tightens.</p>
<p>“Chloe, listen.” Andrew starts and Chloe frowns, pressing her hand to her belly absently as nausea swirls up high and fast. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Chloe croaks even though she knows exactly what he means (Back off and get lost and leave my sister alone). Andrew sighs and Chloe does too, too sick to challenge Andrew and instead she turns to sit on the porch step.</p>
<p>“You didn’t see her after you, Chloe.” Andrew says and Chloe rests her head against the cool metal railing, lets the nauseating feeling that is more guilt than hangover, wash over her. “It was really bad and     then after dad died…she’s in such a better place now and I want her to stay there. I witnessed that downward spiral before and I won’t let that happen again.”</p>
<p>“<em>She</em> kissed <em>me</em> last night, you know.” Chloe bites out and Andrew nods.</p>
<p>“First, gross. Second, everyone was super wasted last night and you know, Aubrey has always been weak for you.” Andrew points out and Chloe squeezes her eyes shut, rubbing her hand across her brow.</p>
<p>“I’m in love with her.” Chloe admits softly, more readily than ever and Andrew huffs out a laugh even as he sits beside her on the step.</p>
<p>“Dude, you’ve <em>always</em> been in love with her. You still broke her heart so bad I thought for sure she’d end up marrying one of the douchebags always sniffing around her, pop out a kid and pretend she wasn’t gay and miserable for the rest of her life.” Andrew says and Chloe winces, staring down at her shoes.</p>
<p>“I wanted to be with her.” Chloe argues feebly, turning to gaze at Andrew who nods, leaning back on his elbows.</p>
<p>“I know.” Andrew says and Chloe pushes her hair out of her face.</p>
<p>“But you still don’t want me around your sister.” Chloe points out and Andrew makes a noncommittal sound.</p>
<p>“You guys are both grown women. You can do whatever you want. I just want to make sure that you’re sure.” Andrew clarifies and Chloe turns on the step enough to look back at him. “Because if you’re not, then yeah, I’m asking you to leave her alone.”</p>
<p>“I can’t leave her alone. I won’t.” Chloe says, “I’ve done it before and it was a mistake. I’m sure, Andrew.”</p>
<p>“Well, if Aubrey’s drunken babbling in the cab home last night is indication, she’s still kind of conflicted.” Andrew says and Chloe drags in a long breath to stop her stomach from curling into a fist. “Give her time. She’s still Aubrey, Chlo. And you and I both know that she sometimes needs a chance to figure things out.”</p>
<p>“What if she decides she doesn’t…doesn’t want me or something.” Chloe asks miserably because she knows Andrew is right. Aubrey has to think things through and the fastest way to get her to pull away is to push.</p>
<p>“Then that’s her decision and you have to respect it.” Andrew shrugs like it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Chloe sighs, climbing to her feet and leaning against the railing when her head swims. “She did that much for you when you decided you didn’t want her.”</p>
<p>And Chloe remembers when she had final chosen, finally and honestly told Aubrey that she wanted to be with Beca, the way Aubrey had disappeared from her life. How she made space for Beca.</p>
<p>Andrew continues, “But give her a little time. I’m not saying let her hide from you. But, maybe, wait a little longer than a few hours later to hunt her down. And maybe not declare your love reeking of whiskey.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, you’re right. Why are you right?” Chloe grunts and Andrew laughs.</p>
<p>“Because I know her.” Andrew shrugs, “And so do you.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m going to go home and spend the rest of the day curled in the fetal position.” Chloe finally whispers. “Please don’t tell Bree that I came here.”</p>
<p>“You secret is safe with me.” Andrew laughs, tilting his head back to watch her walk down the rest of the steps to the sidewalk.</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                       ///</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>It’s a day and a half since Chloe has spoken to Aubrey and Chloe is staring at her phone. She’s staring  at an unfinished text message to Aubrey  that doesn’t seem to have any of the right words when she sees a conversation bubble with three dots appear on screen.</p>
<p>She waits. She waits for what feels like forever and ever.</p>
<p>The bubbles disappear.</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                                  ///</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Beca had come out of nowhere wearing her want for Chloe like a badge of honor. It fed into some hungry, greedy part of Chloe that had been starving with Aubrey in her closed off and closed in ways.</p>
<p>She and Aubrey weren’t together (And at the time Chloe had convinced herself that <em>that</em> fact was all Aubrey’s fault.) So, she didn’t have to feel bad when she let Beca draw her in and she let herself be teased away from Aubrey, let herself ignore the desperate way Aubrey was trying to get her to stay. </p>
<p>So she watched Aubrey sink into her anxiety and stress and control issues and instead focused on Beca. And focused on Beca. <em>And focused on Beca.</em></p>
<p>Until Aubrey was gone and Chloe was at Barden 3 years too long with nothing to show for it but a plane ticket to Los Angeles.</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>                                                                                                            ///</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Los Angeles was… isolating.</p>
<p>Chloe watched Beca form connections. She watched her build an entire network of colleagues and acquaintances and friends. Chloe watched Beca thrive in that city.</p>
<p> It was way more difficult for Chloe to forge any sort of friendship at the temporary odd jobs she took to help pay the bills or the neighbors who hated them because Beca was always blasting music. It felt like Los Angeles was strangling Chloe while Beca just watched.</p>
<p>Atlanta is the opposite.</p>
<p>She runs into Stacie at Whole Foods and they have a ridiculously expensive lunch in the hot food section, she visits Flo’s juice truck when she makes her debut at a local food truck festival and it feels like she ends up in some sort of confusing shenanigan with Fat Amy far more often than she ever did at Barden. </p>
<p>Atlanta is welcoming in a way that Chloe missed more than she even realized when she was in LA.</p>
<p>She’s reminded of that fact again when she walks into the Fallen Leaves front office to see Emily Junk in all of her shiny, vibrant glory seated behind the receptionist desk.</p>
<p>“Oh my gosh, Chloe!” Emily greets brightly, standing and adjusting the headset she’s wearing before hurrying from behind her desk to envelope Chloe in a tight, tall person hug that smells like cotton candy.</p>
<p>“Oof! Em, hi!” Chloe grunts, squeezing Emily back before wriggling out of her crushing, sweet scented grasp. “Hey, I didn’t know you were working here.”</p>
<p>“Aubrey was cool enough to give me a job here while I’m finishing up Grad school.” Emily grins, doing the nose scrunch thing that is ridiculously adorable and that Chloe’s just sort of missed. “I love it here. Aubrey is, like, the best boss.”</p>
<p>“That’s awesome.” Chloe grins and Emily laughs a little, eyes crinkling at the corners before making her way back around her desk and sitting down.</p>
<p>“It’s so good to see you! I’d heard through the Bella grapevine that you were back in town!” Emily says cheerfully before her expression morphs into something apologetic. “Even though it sucks that you and Beca broke up.”</p>
<p>“How did you…?” Chloe starts and Emily shrugs.</p>
<p>“I follow Fat Amy on Twitter.” Emily says simply as if it’s an explanation and Chloe frowns. “How are you holding up?”</p>
<p>“I’m doing really good.” Chloe says and means it. “I’m in vet school right now and it’s going great. I’m just happy to be home.”</p>
<p>“That’s awesome.” Emily beams and Chloe smiles. “I’m assuming you’re here to see Aubrey, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I mean, if she has time.” Chloe says a little awkwardly. “I don’t have an appointment or anything and I know she’s super busy.”</p>
<p>“Oh don’t worry about it. I bet she’ll always have time for you.” Emily says cheerfully and Chloe doesn’t really know what Emily <em>knows</em> or if it’s just Emily being Emily but it makes Chloe blush all the same. “I’ll just let her know you’re here.”</p>
<p>Chloe watches, nervously, as Emily dials the phone on her desk. It rings audibly on speaker despite the headset Emily is currently wearing.</p>
<p>“Hey Emily.” Aubrey’s voice is relaxed and a little preoccupied and Chloe smiles at the sound of it.</p>
<p>“Hi Aubrey, you have a visitor.” Emily says into the speaker, giving Chloe a scrunchy faced grin.</p>
<p>“Em, I told you to tell Amy I’m not here and remind her that she’s not legally allowed to be on the Fallen Leaves property anymore after the last incident. The court order is still in effect.” Aubrey’s reminds gently over the phone and Emily nods even though Aubrey can’t see her. “And call security before you kick her out because I don’t want her punching you.”</p>
<p>“No, yeah, I know.” Emily says, “But it’s not Amy. Chloe is here to see you.”</p>
<p>The line goes quiet for a long moment and Chloe feels her nervousness increase tenfold. Maybe this was a huge mistake because the days without Aubrey had felt long but maybe Aubrey needed even more time despite how anxious Chloe, herself, has felt. “Emily, am I on speaker?”</p>
<p>“Um, yes?” Emily answers with a wince, glancing up at Chloe and Chloe offers her a sympathetic smile.</p>
<p>“Take me off.” Aubrey says not unkindly, and Emily does quickly, swiveling her chair slightly away from Chloe to talk quietly into her headset. Chloe stands awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot for what feels like forever.</p>
<p>But Chloe needed to see Aubrey. After their fight and their kiss, there was only silence. Silence that ate and ate and ate at Chloe. And today, after spending the entire morning debating ditching class to go talk to Aubrey in person only for her classes to cancelled due to a watermain break on campus coming to see Aubrey seemed serendipitous</p>
<p>Because she’s made the mistake of not laying everything with Aubrey out in the open before and Chloe doesn’t want an encore of the way things played out the first time. Chloe wants Aubrey to know her intentions. She wants to know Aubrey’s too.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Emily says brightly, hanging up the phone with a push of a button. “Aubrey will see you now.”</p>
<p>As if on cue, the door behind Emily opens and Aubrey is there with a tense looking smile. “Hey Chlo,”</p>
<p>“Hi, Bree.” Chloe greats, walking past Emily towards Aubrey without really thinking about it. “Can I come in?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Absolutely.” Aubrey breathes, opening the door wider for Chloe. “Emily, you can hold any incoming calls.”</p>
<p>“Hi.” Chloe greets again quietly, turning to watch Aubrey shut her office door.  She’s dressed in silky looking grey button-down blouse that’s tucked into fitted black slacks with her hair down and wavy and God, she looks great. Like, professional and important and Chloe looks down a little self consciously at her jeans and tank top.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Aubrey sighs, sagging back against the door and for a long moment she just stares at Chloe, eyes dragging from her sneakers upwards until she’s meeting Chloe’s gaze head on. The look alone is enough to give Chloe the good kind of shivers and suddenly she’s not so worried about her outfit.</p>
<p>“I hope it’s okay that I just dropped by. I-…” Chloe trails off, licking her lips and suddenly aware of Aubrey’s naked toes on the office carpet. She doesn’t know what it is but seeing Aubrey all business-y but barefoot is disarming and she takes a deep breath before continuing. “I just really wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>“No, I..” Aubrey huffs out, carefully meeting Chloe’s gaze. “I’ve missed you too.”</p>
<p>“…So, Fat Amy isn’t allowed here anymore? Do I want to know why?” Chloe asks breaking some of the tension snaking around them and Aubrey rolls her eyes, pushing away from the door.</p>
<p> “She fought a deer. It died.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god!” Chloe cries and Aubrey only nods solemnly.</p>
<p>“Thankfully I talked my boss out of pressing charges but there’s a restraining order on file against her, so…” Aubrey finishes with a shrug and Chloe is reminded again how wonderfully weird it is to be home. “She’s not legally allowed to be within 100 yards of the lodge but she violates the court order, like, all the time…she’s not afraid of prison.”</p>
<p>“Wow.” Chloe breathes, and Aubrey smiles a little.</p>
<p>“I thought you had class.” Aubrey says, walking past Chloe to perch on the edge of her huge desk. Her legs cross like the heroin out of a movie and Chloe swallows thickly.</p>
<p>“Classes were canceled so I thought I’d come visit you.” Chloe explains, clearing her throat. “And, I mean, we haven’t been talking lately even though I think we probably should.”</p>
<p>“I don’t really know what to say.” Aubrey says after a long moment, eyes fixed on the floor between them before tilting her chin up to focus her green eyes on Chloe.</p>
<p>“Just tell me whatever it is your thinking.” Chloe suggests and Aubrey watches her move closer, bypassing the chairs at the front of the desk to perch beside her on top of the expensive wood. Their shoulders bump together and Chloe inches even closer when Aubrey doesn’t run away.</p>
<p>“My biggest fear…” Aubrey starts quietly, demurely uncrossing her legs and gazing down at the floor and Chloe focuses on her profile. “My biggest fear was opening the mail and seeing yours and Beca’s wedding invitation. Which is selfish…really selfish, actually. Especially considering how much I told myself I wanted you to be happy.”</p>
<p>Chloe doesn’t want to say that she proposed to Beca in Los Angeles, over Lo Mein noodles in their stupidly expensive loft. Not because it felt like the right thing to do or because she necessarily <em>wanted</em> to be married to Beca but because it seemed like something they were <em>supposed</em> to do. (“Now’s just not the right time, Chlo.” Beca had said, staring down hard at her chopsticks while Chloe had felt sick to her stomach.)</p>
<p>“Were you?” Aubrey asks, turning to look at Chloe and Chloe goes breathless for a moment at the eye contact. It feels like Aubrey is staring into her, at all of her loose ends. “Happy?”</p>
<p>“Maybe? In the beginning. At Barden.” Chloe murmurs, looking away and around Aubrey’s office. She takes in the books filling the bookshelves and the plaques on the walls and her eyes linger on the photographs scattered around the room. “But things fell apart.”</p>
<p>“Chloe.” Aubrey says after a moment and when Chloe glances back at Aubrey, she smiles at her a little before looking away. “What happened to you and Beca?”</p>
<p>Chloe has the brief mental image of herself pulling out a comically long list that unrolls across the the office before clearing her throat. She wants to tell the truth, to explain it all in a linear way that would be easy to understand. It’s difficult to find the words to describe the way they unraveled but Chloe feels like she wants Aubrey to know everything. All of it. All of her.</p>
<p>“We just weren’t right for each other. We were compatible but in the way where I was willing to sacrifice and Beca was willing to let me.” Chloe says then winces a little. “That makes her sound like a jerk, doesn’t it? But it wasn’t her fault. She’s a good person and I’m a good person but we just weren’t good together.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Aubrey says softly, her expression tender and sympathetic and more than Chloe can take. “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out.”</p>
<p>“Are you?” Chloe challenges a little and Aubrey sighs before looking away from Chloe.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if I’m saying that because it’s true or because it’s the right thing to say.” Aubrey admits with a shrug.</p>
<p>“I don’t care about either of us saying the right things. Just the honest things.” Chloe says and Aubrey nods, reaching up to push her hand through her hair and drawing in a deep breath.</p>
<p>“I know the other night was…messy.” Aubrey starts almost breathlessly. “I’m sorry about that.”</p>
<p>“Aubrey…” Chloe swallows thickly, turning to face Aubrey.</p>
<p>“You’re the girl I’ve been dreaming of forever.” Aubrey says softly and Chloe breathes out against the unexpected swell of emotion tightening her throat. Aubrey huffs out a quiet laugh, shaking her head self-deprecatingly. “But I dont…”</p>
<p>“Don’t what?” Chloe asks softly because her heart feels like it’s doing some gold medal tumbling behind her ribs. She watches Aubrey clasps her hands together so tightly her knuckles go white. “Aubrey?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I can survive you again.”  Aubrey continues nervously, hands wringing together again and again while Chloe exhales shakily. She knows what she did to Aubrey before, how she hurt her but she also knows right now all she wants is to be with her.</p>
<p> “I don’t want to be something you-you have to survive.” Chloe bites out quietly and Aubrey inhales sharply, hands falling apart and to her sides to grip the edge of the desk.</p>
<p>One million expression flutter across Aubrey’s face before she turns away, eyes falling back to the floor with an audible breath. The distance (Endless inches) between them is too much so Chloe closes the space, reaching out to take Aubrey’s right hand with both of hers, pulling it into her lap and Aubrey’s fingers squeeze hers.</p>
<p>“Can we go back? To before I kissed you?” Aubrey asks quietly, apologetically and in the singular moment Chloe feels decidedly <em>devestated</em> but Aubrey’s hand is curled painfully tight around hers.</p>
<p>“Of course, Bree.”</p>
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